You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
