Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
