the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
