im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
