so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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