4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Jerry, you need to find god
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
