I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
