Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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