we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
