We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
