I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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