we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
