the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
