Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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