The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
