so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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