Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
