I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
