Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
