I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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