moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
