Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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