it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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