I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
