I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
