ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
