oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
