EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
