yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
