Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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