The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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