By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
