My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
