I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
