forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
