I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
