he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
