I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
