So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
