just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
