reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
