I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
