He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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