If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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