I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
