Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
