Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
