Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
