I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
