She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
